20 Lessons for My 20s

Updates as my 20s progress:

• There’s something at once dumbfounding and cathartic in discovering universal truths about time, love, human nature, and money for yourself. It really does come with age.
• Delayed gratification > instant gratification.
• Be loyal to your future self (but also trust that she’ll figure it out).
• People will respect you more if you set boundaries.
• Indifferent people are more dangerous than angry people.
• Choose the hill you want to die on. Sometimes it really is worthwhile to spend the money for the ease.

I spent the last few months of my teenage years doing a lot of things I always wanted to do, but told myself I should save for later. After all, why wait to do what you love?

I studied cooking, backpacked and crashed on friends’ couches across Europe by myself, completed a religious service project, became so, so much closer with family, and didn’t shy away from expressing my beliefs more profoundly. I fell in love with college (again) and switched my major to better represent who I was at heart. I found myself by dropping unsustainable habits that chipped away at my happiness and promised a future that was always somehow out of reach. As Seneca said,

“The one thing fools all have in common is that they are always getting ready to live — but they never do it.”

History is full of advice like this for us young people, from poets to playwrights hoping to be understood if not during their lifetimes, then after. Surrounded by such brilliance, I cannot hope that my writing will impact the world in any way. But, for the chance that someone out there is reading my reflections, here are my two cents on the lessons I hope to carry into this next decade of my life.

With that, I’m excited to be older, but still young, oh, so young.

1. Continue noticing and expressing gratitude for the littlest of things as you walk down the street. Don’t worry about seeming too emotional — really feeling is what makes life so precious.
2. Continue unapologetically being your most authentic self — it’s a waste of time and energy trying to be someone you’re not. Face your fear of actually getting and doing what you want.
3. Be early and smile often! Being approachable and having the time to observe places and their communities maximizes your surface area for serendipity. (For context — I always get asked to watched people’s stuff in cafés and libraries because I seem friendly, haha. Makes for good conversation starters!)
4. On a related note, learn to say “no,” so you can say “yes” when you really want to.
5. Be intentional with your time — sometimes it’s more important to be than to do! Dial down your drive to be productive just for the sake of checking things off your to-do list because it can stifle creativity and stifle you.
6. Travel, making sure to explore under-appreciated and misunderstood places. Don’t just go off the beaten path — run towards it!
7. Even when you’re not actively travelling, remember that the world is enormous. Always seek perspective — never stop studying history, culture, and languages.
8. Live for the weekdays AND the weekends — don’t always be waiting for Friday.
9. Continue embracing unconventionality, but don’t force it. Sometimes rules, structures, and traditions are there for a reason.
10. Respect your body. It’s a vessel for your soul. (But dance as much as possible!)
11. Create and cultivate beautiful spaces, indoors and out, through art and by bringing people together.
12. Develop knowledge by writing — it shows what you really know and what you have yet to find out.
13. You really are the mix of the five people you spend most of your time with, whether IRL or whose thought leadership you follow online/in books. Be mindful of who you surround yourself with and whose habits you pick up.
14. Be an interesting person! Have weird and unique hobbies. If Walter Isaacson was to publish your biography tomorrow, it shouldn’t be a copy of your resume.
15. Compliment people behind their backs and make handmade cards to celebrate the little things. Everyone is afraid of the spotlight effect, when we really should be focusing on sonder. (I really like the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows for developing a language for emotions we all feel, but don’t know how to explain.)
16. Think, but don’t overthink, using writing (or whiteboarding) to guide your ruminations and know what’s really on your mind.
17. Hit the pause button! Listen more than you speak. Wait a bit before reacting to something emotionally. Sometimes it pays off to read some poetry or even cheesy inspirational quotes for guidance.
18. Think twice before interrupting time. Some things are out of your control, often for the better.
19. You don’t need to have an opinion on everything. When in doubt, a question can also be an answer.
20. Stay silly :).